26 May 2009

Dear Grannies,

I apologise, sincerely, from the bottom of my heart. Knitting isn't as easy as you make it out to be! I realise that people other than grannies knit, but you're the real heroes here.

What brought me to take up knitting, you ask? I decided that creative energy should be used in the best way possible. I'm around the house a lot more nowadays, so it was time for me to have a new hobby (that I could do sitting down and at my own lazy pace)!

I bought some yarn and needles this week and gave it a try. I taught myself from YouTube videos and advice from keen knitters on internet forums. There seemed to be a wealth of knowledge online about it, so why not give it a go?

I was given a pattern for beginners - sleeveless gloves. No problem, right? Aha. Ahahaha. If only I knew, Granny, if only I knew.

Problem. Big problem:

What the heck?! Knitting is supposed to be easy! People do it without looking, and I couldn't even do it at a few stitches per minute. I realised that without a real-life knitting expert to consult, I was going to have a hard time learning anything more than the very basics. I didn't know how to fix mistakes, so I just had to start all over again every time I messed up. That wasn't good, that wasn't good at all. I was a fabric failure. A nuisance novice knitter nutter.

However, I wasn't about to give up that easily! I decided that the gloves were obviously a project for someone who'd been knitting for longer than...well, longer than a day. All I knew was how to cast on, and then knit. No fancy things for me. Just pure, raw knitting. So, obviously, I decided to knit a scarf. It's May now, so with any luck it would be finished in time for winter.

So I continued, I persevered. I learned how to tink - taking back stitches when you make a mistake (it's "knit" spelt backwards. *chortle* how clever!). To my surprise, I got better. It looks quite good, apart from a few little mistakes that my ten year old sister (the recipient of said scarf) hopefully won't pick up on:

It felt so good to get it right! I'd recommend knitting to anyone who doesn't mind investing time to make something from scratch. Such a great way to keep your style individual, and keep yourself busy. Now I feel ready to take on the world! Bring on various crazy stitches! Bring on the insane patterns, bring on fancy embellishments and BRING ON THE DAMN SLEEVELESS GLOVES!

Yours (with aching fingers),

The guy who will, eventually, make knitting even more cool

21 May 2009

Dear Everyone,

I finally managed to set the blog up on a custom domain (styleofkyle.com), so now I have my own site. I feel all tech-savvy now. Watch out, Pentagon, I'm coming for you.

Anyway, thanks for all the feedback I've been getting! If you have any ideas for letters I could post here, let me know by sending an email to kyle@styleofkyle.com. I'm always up for doing some research before posting, too!

Also, I've added subscription options to the page, if you want to keep up with the blog.

Take care, and have a great weekend!

Kyle xxx

19 May 2009

Dear Guy on the mini-bike,

I'm sure you're wondering why I looked at you funny when you rode past on your mini-bike (minicycle?) this afternoon as I walked up the street. It bugged you the whole way home, didn't it? Yes, it did. I'll explain myself here, so you can sleep tonight...

I was staring at you wondering why people ride micro-bikes (seriously, if anyone knows the actual name of these, let me know). Do you have a mini-shed to keep it in? Did you borrow it from your child or a vertically challenged friend? Are you having a mid-life crisis?

Why would you ride this?

As it was late and you were wearing informal attire, I will assume you weren't working. Even if you were, a normal bike doesn't really take up much room, and you could even invest in a bike lock and keep it outside. Shocking, I know, these new inventions. It's hard to keep up with the times.

I honestly hope you read this, and reply. Perhaps you're reading this now on your itsy-bitsy computer, in your teeny-tiny room. Maybe you're squinting to make out these words on your 4x4 inch monitor, wishing you'd got the normal full-sized version like everybody else.

Next time you catch me staring, don't mind me. I'll just be wondering things about you that I shouldn't be, because I have nothing better to do with my time than analyse your lifestyle and make sweeping judgements about those who use undersized transportation.

...or perhaps I'll just be thinking you look silly.

Ride safely,

The guy walking up the street

9 May 2009

Dear Conscience,

I'm sorry, okay? I know I'm newly unemployed, but surely that's even more reason to indulge in a little retail therapy? Okay, fine, £10 on blue eyeliner I may never use again may have been a little too much, but I needed it to complete my fancy dress outfit:

(Click the thumbnail!)

I know, right?! It's so cute. That's why I also had to buy the trousers and shoes. Evidently it was necessary to preserve the natural order of things.

If it makes you feel better, I'll make sure the dog collar and the wrist restraints are worn frequently...but I'd rather not elaborate on that just now.

I blame this whole 'guilt' situation on my friends for their high expectations of me. They require me to look absolutely incredible 100% of the time. Damn you, first impressions.

So, technically, I'm really doing it for my friends.

Spending money to make them happy.
To make them smile.
To make the world a better place.

See, I'm a good person, really.

Forever yours,

The (no longer) Guilty Party

P.S. That burger and chips last night doesn't count as naughty because they didn't supply nutritional information when I bought it. I didn't want to ask, because last time they looked at me funny. Maybe they didn't know what calories were.

6 May 2009

Dear Old man sat in front of me on the bus,

Who told you you could wash your hands with the pages of the Metro? Really, who? Because you can't. Nope.

It's also not hygienic to blow your nose on the pages either, before offering the tattered remains to me.

"Do you want a newspaper?"

No I do not, old man. No I do not.

Yours in fear of swine flu,

The guy sat behind you on the bus.